I didn't know I had already hit my 900th post. That's a long way from where I started. Reading through some of my posts and my drafts (posts that I didn't dare to post) I realise how time had past and how I had grown up. Not saying I've matured, but things certainly had changed, ideals, mindsets and myself. Change isn't as bad a thing as everyone says it is. People say, Oh you've changed, I don't know you anymore, and they start judging. But the fact is every day, everyone is changing. It's our life experiences that shapes who we really are, and those people who understand and stand by us, that's what true friends are. Of course, deep down basically, our morals and principles are still fundamentally the same as how we were taught when we were young. What I'm trying to get at is, don't judge people even if they do change, we're never in their shoes no matter how hard we try. We don't know what they're been through, and even if we do, half the time we most probably wouldn't know how they're feeling. I love all my friends, past and present. Knowing them and seeing them change and grow up, it was really a privilege and a great honour. I hope they'll love themselves too.

How I've seem to start pondering about these issues really amaze me. I actually came here with my own issue. Everyone has their inner monsters in them, or something that scares them to death. For me it's getting fat. I know superficial and all, but that's how society shapes people, doesn't it? But recently, I'm more afraid of losing too much weight. A close friend of mine confronted me with her worries. Worrying about me having eating disorders, and honestly, that started to get me thinking. Do I really have that disease? Should I seek medical help? Or is it the stress that I've been facing recently? (FYI I'm in my first semester of my final year) I don't know, and I do hope time will tell.

Till next time then.

Hi diary,

It's been awhile huh. Time really flies. Through these years, I experienced and grown from it, but I think deep down, everyone's still that naive thinking kid. So some recent updates. I'm currently at my 3rd year in Uni, Can't wait to graduate though. Nervous yet excited to enter the working world, that adult realm. And as for many of my friends, most of them are still schooling like me, but some chose to pursue a career and delay their studies. Well that not right or wrong answers as to how we should lead our lives. As long as we're happy and live with no regrets right.

Digressing a little, maybe cause it's been awhile and I really don't know how to start this post. Life hasn't been smooth sailing, but I feel I haven't hit rock bottom. I've gain some and also lost some along the years. But those are experiences that would shape who we are in the future right.

From young, we're been looking forward each day to grow up and finally get treated with some proper respect by adults around us. But as adulthood draws near, there's this sense of panic, if you had lived your younger days as you would like. And sad to say many of us, regret some stuff that we did. However, my worries today, aren't about the past. It's about the future. I've been wondering. Where will the future lead us?   Am I making the right decisions now? And most importantly, will I hurt anyone cause of the decisions I made? All these are still a scary unknown, which some days I really don't have the guts to face. But time still goes on, and there's not really much we can do about it eh.

I guess this post was more of like a rhetorical post. In which I think most of us can relate to.

To anyone who happen to chance upon this long lost blog, I wish you a great life ahead with no regrets when looking back.

Till next time...

Second thoughts.

Commitment is really a scary thing. Being so close to that certain someone, its gonna sounds cheesy but its like having literally another half of you. Its bittersweet at the same time. I don't really like the idea of not being able to control my emotions but lets cross our fingers and hope that this is worth the ride.

I'm so scared of you leaving. Going back to her. Everytime you speak of her name, its as though you're reminiscing something that i can never be a part of. i know you loved her, i know the cut she left was deep. so i cant help but think, you still have feelings for her. it has come to a point where everytime her name pops up, all i can do is pretend i'm fine with it when it hurting me inside. i'm afraid that if i told you that i hated the fact that you still talk to her and talk about her, you'll get annoyed and just walk away from me.

i hope i'm your choice, not just an option. cause even if it hurts like hell, i'll walk away. it's all or nothing for me.

Dear diary, its been 2 months since i last updated. Its been a short period of time, but numerous things had happened, good and bad. somehow i do hope someone would come to this small space of mine and read, understand what im going through right now. but, no i dont think so. anyway its been awhile since i decided to open up. and i hope i dont ruin it. i always ruin perfect moments.

random and abrupt ending. but imu.

I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss not working. I miss just hanging out and chilling at home. I miss how everything use to be.

Drag my lips across your chest just to feel your heartbeat.