thank you for the presents i like it very much:]

studied at the lib
i mean really studied:]

lessons were okay
was so call forced to sign the card for jamila

my weight managment is working:]
my stomach getting smaller:]

tomolo's teachers day
half day
going back to pri skool
after that go home to change
den out we go:]

den han will be going off to new zealand
i will miss you my girlfriend :'(

i stop cutting myself already
even though it's starting to be fun:

dance was okay
and the apex was changed to skool reopen
stoopid

history test was dumb
i actually studied
den i study the wrong thing
fu*k

anyway cant wait for thurs then we can go out:]
but i can wait for tomolo
its results day
prepare my funeral...

my maid just told me her dad had cancer
and it was at the fourth stage

even though she wont be reading this but i have to write it out
auntie you have to be strong
no matter what i'll be there for you:]

people treasure your life
dont regret what you did
dont make the people around you worry and cry

i have decided i must try to forget him

i started my new weight managment:]
should be working well
got a history test tomolo
haven even started studying yet
just now went jogging with my father:

i totally hate jamila man
she suxs
this morning she changed vl lesson to eng
which is wat she always do
but after vl is eng
so we have to have 2hrs of eng straight
wtf rights

den i asked her during vl can i go to the toilet
she say no
okay nvmm

i ask again during eng
she say no again
grrr.....
lucky next is recess
or i think my pee is going to crystallize inside man :


hope xh will feel better
there are better guys for you okay:]
dont broad over him

better start studying NOW

tomolo's the last dance practice for wed's apex performance
den thurs going out to study maths wif sam and try


my mummy still haven realise the cut marks on my wrist
she didnt even look at me for more den 5 mins after i reached home
well wad can i say:\
i'm a loser...

my weight management progrm for myself isn't working out!
grr..
instead of losing fats im gaining muscles
oh my tian!
and im getting heavy cause muscles are 3 times the weight of fats!
GREAT!

anyway my cousin's coming over later with her family
we're going out
i hope we go fishing:]
i LOVE fishing
i donnoe why
its fun
you all should try it :D

i have decided to be the perfect daughter, girl, friend from today onwards.
i'll be everything that most people want me to be
like soft-spoken well-mannered blah blah blah

i dowan to have people dislike me or hate me anymore
or anyone to give me that you-are-so-irritating look

even there's bound for people to dislike me but all i can do is this
i will try to change for everyone i know
and to prove to my family that i can be someone that they want me to be

i cant stop doing this to myself
i feel like cutting myself everyday
i know its wrong but i cant help it
but it's not that bad
at least there are no blood
hahss
cause i ham ji ma
dont dare cut to hard

and you know what
when i cut myself i hope my mummy would notice
but she didnt:]
is it so hard to get a little attention :D
silly of me for thinking that she will notice

i just realise im so weak
so afraid of getting hurt that im hurting everyone around me with all my actions
im really sorry

i really just want to breakdown now
i need someone
just anyone to just be there for me

maybe im not as strong as i think i am
i just hate this part of me

sometimes i really wonder
maybe i hate my brother so much is because im actually jeslous of him..
maybe i hate my father so much because i care for him and i think he doesnt care for me the same way i do..
maybe i hate my mother so much is because she can hurt me in the most heart-breaking way anyone can hurt me..
maybe i hate the world because i think no one cares for me..

i just realise all these reasons are just about me me me
how can i be so selfish

when can the world stop being so selfish and start thinking about how other people think..

i really hope my mother will read this post..

even though im slack and all but everytime when i think about studying is because of her. even though i look like i dont care when she scolds me but actually my heart bleeds without me knowing. and everytime i argue with her im always the one who ends up crying liek a crazy lunatic.
like yesterday when i really wanna studying for the first time this week she actually scolds me for not bringing bak my book. and when i told her that i failed my social studies test she scolds me again. i knew i would get it from her, but i just feel like breaking down.
why cant i get the same treatment as my brother. everytime he passes even if its only abit, she says good job. but to me i only get a lecture about why i didnt get higher. everytime my brother fails she says you can do it better next time just jia you, but to me she scolds and scolds. making me fell like a complete idoit. it is really that hard to say a good job to me, or even encourage me.

the worlds just unfair i guess..

o ya i have more to blog about..

yesterday i went totally kuku!
i kepp layghing and laughing after my maid reached home
den i went into the toliet and i sat down ready to pee
hahss
den a damn bloody humongous xiao qiang crawled pass my toes!
i stoned for a few secs den i ran out of the toliet
of course wear everything properly le la
screaming like a mad women!
den my maid chiong in the toliet:]
i have to thank her..loves
then i stared crying like shit!
i feel like a helpless child suddenly
my mother still scold me for screaming
sometimes i think im jus so out of the family and she doesnt care for me
wtf who cares anyway
i cried for like 1hour plus
the i went inside my maids room
the i started laughing again!
OMG
i think im crazy!
then whe i was goin to slp
i wanted to cry again!

sometimes i just feel so helpless and there's always no one there for me

You Are 22% Fake

The real you is something you embrace and don't mind enhancing.You know that a few beauty secrets aren't a big deal, as long as you look good.

How Fake Are You?

didnt do much today:\

tomolo's the ss test haven even touched the book yet!

omfg

i think i getting more valgur by the day

is that bad?

o ya

and to tell all the people in the world

i finally saved 100 bucks:]

dance was tiring!
my back is damn pain now!!
if during the dance performance u see me in the middle of the lines
is not i wrong hor
its suppose to b lidat
:i feel extra!!

flu flu flu
keep sneezing like shit

nothing much anyway

ni ai wo hai shi ta..

Dec

This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive.

school was okay
i guess
nothing much to say about
was so tired when i came to school
didnt have a proper sleep:
this morning me try and sam decided
since we are al from 'shi lian jue le bu'
lets go to malaysia the twin tower to commit suicide
hahhahhss
they will stand at the top and i'll be at the connector:]
im afraid of heights:]

lamee...

dance was okay
at least i have something to do now
that is to dance of course
and have more people to talk to

wont feel so out anymore
the malays are soo nice:]

anyway came home with try and sam
as per normal

goin to watch the pirates of carribean 'dead man's chest'

have to thank YOU for lending me the disc:]

oh wells..nothing more
have a nice night people

tune in to 93.3 it's so nice:]

You Are 18 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Love Style is Ludus

You like to think of love as the ultimate game And you love to play... even if it means lying a little You're a bit afraid to be close, and you don't get too attached A serial dater, you tend to date a few people at once And it's all good, until one of your sweeties finds out!

What's" Your Love Style?

no i dont do that! do i?

Your Body Image is 36% Unhealthy, 64% Healthy

You're body image is quite healthy, though you're sometimes a little bit too hard on yourself.Chances are you've got a rockin' body - so enjoy it!

How's" Your Body Image?

You May Be a Bit Antisocial...

Antisocial? That may be a bit of an understatement. You think rules are meant to be broken - and with gusto! Having no fear, you don't even think about consequences. But people love you anyway... you've got a boatload of charm.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

jus came back from pp:went to cheng yao's chalet jus now
den after that 3 plus go pp for kbox
lucky we book sia
and we go at the right time
:]
got a damn big room
big enuff for 20 plus ppl
den we only 5 ppl
soooo cold lo....

everyone was freezing
until 8 plus den we stop:]
walked abit den went home

thought my cousin coming but she didnt:\

celebrated sam's bday yesterday
actually wanted to go gym de lo:
we al went home 1st to change except darren edmond charissa and joel
anyway we went to tm
ate pastamania
actually wanted to eat at pizza hut but too many ppl le
den went along to pp togo kbox but too ex
then today got discount so mayb goin there later lo
so we went to bowl at katong
so fun hahss
so long nv play now i so lan liao :P

anyway mayb goin cy aka ah gua chalet ltr
mayb not
i also donnoe went to meet lorhs
aiyo tien msg me the place without the time:]
but i definitely want to go kbox!

lalalalalalalalalallalass :D

came back early from my gran's hse yesterday to catch superband
:]
lucify and soul lost :
but at least mi lu bing won

well loads of things happen at my grans hse vv funny
me n my cousins was playing blind mice
one of my cousin flew of the bed and fall flat on her face:D
hahss
so funny lo
she keep laughing after that
still got loads more lo
hhass

ltr going out wif try and tien
for a shhhh....
cannot tell :]

Your Fashion Style is Urban

You've got a style all your own... and it worksNot too trendy, not too freaky - you've got streetwear down to a scienceYou always look cute and put together, but keep it comfortable tooYou're the type of girl that creates trends and inspires others to be funky

What's" Your Fashion Style?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

am i??

You Should Get an Abstract Tattoo

Artistic and uniqueYou're the most likely type to personally design your tattoo

What Tattoo Should You Get?

You Are Most Like Miranda!

While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come first Guys are a distant third to your friends and career. And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses. Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen. Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect... But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

You Are Most Like Gisele Bundchen

Slightly exotic and perfectly gorgeous

Which Victoria's Secret Angel Are You?

You Are a Fun Girl!

You are all about having fun - and you don't need to drink to have a good timeSure, you've thrown back more than a few every so oftenBut getting totally stupid and wasted is not your styleYou're the life of the party, by keeping everyone laughing and smiling

Are You a Party Girl?

Your Toes Should Be Black

A total rulebreaker (and heartbreaker), you're always a little punk rock. Your flirting style: Wacky and a bit shocking Your ideal guy: An accomplished artist, musician, or writer Stay away from: Preppy guys looking for a quick bad girl fling

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You've got the personality of a blue eyed womenYou're intense and expressive - and always on the goYou've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in

What's" Your Inner Eye Color?

You Are Independent Sexy

You drive men crazy with your "playing hard to get act"Except, it's really not an act at all.You're a strong, sexy woman with her own life and interests.And that makes men even more interested in you!

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

You are a Mild Mama

You don't have to be screaming at the top of your lungs to have a good timeYou rather chill, soak in the moment, and appreciate life for what it isGuys appreciate your "take life as it comes" approach...(Though they wouldn't mind if you got a little wild from time to time!)

How Daring Are You?

You Are 28% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts.Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

How Bitchy Are You?

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain.And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it.What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

Do You Go For Brains or Body?

You Are a Tiny Tease

You like to flirt and show off your body, but what confident woman doesn't.You enjoy male attention, and you're usually pretty good at not leading men on.However, there are times when you get carried away with your sexy behavior.It's okay to use your amazing flirting powers for good - but never for evil!

Are You a Tease?

You've Got a Bit of a Crush

Maybe your guy friend is a crush of convenience - easy enough to happenDid you just break up with someone? Or are you more lonely than usual?If no to both, then this small crush could be the real deal.Find out if he feels the same - because he just might!

Are You Crushing on Him (And Don't Even Know It)?

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowingThat's because you're cool, funny, and laid backYou're smart enough to know how to be one of the guysBut flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Are 44% Girly

You're a little girly, a little boyish, and probably a whole lot indie.You have your own unique style, and it pretty much defies gender lines.

How Girly Are You?

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirersAnd no wonder: you live life to the fullest!When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier placeBut occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

What Goddess Are You?

Your Flirt Quotient

You are 53% Flirt

How Much of a Flirt Are You?

Your True Sign Is Cancer

CozyMoodyRomanticTraditionalUltra-SensitiveUnable to Let GoThe Most Loving EverIntuitive and Imaginative

What's" Your True Sign?

Your Candy Heart Is "HOT STUF"

Got a date for V-day? You've probably got a few!You're playing the field right now, which is coolYou've certainly got the charm to bring in tons of prospectsIt's just a matter of deciding between dinner dates

What Candy Conversation Heart Are You?

You've Got Guys Lined Up Around the Block

While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...You get the most dates of any girl you knowIt's your whole five star package that attracts men -Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You Attractive?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You are Almost Ready to Date Again

You're over him... well, mostly.Truth be told, you still think of your ex on occasion.Enough to effect any new relationship you may start.Give yourself time and space - you are 90% there.And don't swear off men, just make sure to play the field.

Are You Ready To Date Again?

Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy

Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourselfBut you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealingYou don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexierA little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room!

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

damn tired now:later goin to my ah ma hse to pray for my ah gong something

yesterday was great!!
not the hist test part of course
after al lesson i studied hist like siao until i gave up
at the lib we were scolded by some sec4 black gal!
wtf! cause we keep shoo-ing people
den she came over and said
'whats the freaking problem here? you've been shoo-ing since jus now"
wtf! den we went back to class
ate 1 char shao bao:]

3.30 the test starts!!
until 5 me sam n try rush to char
who is so kind to buy dinner for us:]
i onyl have an ice lemon tea cause im not hungry
den we changed to white long sleeve (me n sam)
den went to the bs to meet some other ppl
den we bussed down to kallang to watch the FOP
:D

it was like a party except the talking part
i was yawning like shit
saw *and * there

reached home at 11 plus
the bus was so crowded me n sam was the one standing at the door
lucky huh!
reach home i was so hungry so after i bath i cooked instant noodle for myself:]
yummy!
den about 12 plus den i slp :O

yesterday was great! :D

didnt updateee for a long time le
test n test n test
making my haed explode

lucky national day's coming means
somebodys bday also coming liao lucky i got save 'blink blink' :D
so got a break at least
loads of stress pimple popping up
hahss

getting along with live
addicted to a new song "because you live"
damn nice
i miss the poa guy!!
hahahass

joel say he dont want to study liao
he wan go take drivers license den go drive rubbish truck -_-

mummy's coming back:]
sooonnnnnn

and i'm not addicted to maple
i nv play vv long le hors...