Second thoughts.

Commitment is really a scary thing. Being so close to that certain someone, its gonna sounds cheesy but its like having literally another half of you. Its bittersweet at the same time. I don't really like the idea of not being able to control my emotions but lets cross our fingers and hope that this is worth the ride.

I'm so scared of you leaving. Going back to her. Everytime you speak of her name, its as though you're reminiscing something that i can never be a part of. i know you loved her, i know the cut she left was deep. so i cant help but think, you still have feelings for her. it has come to a point where everytime her name pops up, all i can do is pretend i'm fine with it when it hurting me inside. i'm afraid that if i told you that i hated the fact that you still talk to her and talk about her, you'll get annoyed and just walk away from me.

i hope i'm your choice, not just an option. cause even if it hurts like hell, i'll walk away. it's all or nothing for me.

Dear diary, its been 2 months since i last updated. Its been a short period of time, but numerous things had happened, good and bad. somehow i do hope someone would come to this small space of mine and read, understand what im going through right now. but, no i dont think so. anyway its been awhile since i decided to open up. and i hope i dont ruin it. i always ruin perfect moments.

random and abrupt ending. but imu.

I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss not working. I miss just hanging out and chilling at home. I miss how everything use to be.

Drag my lips across your chest just to feel your heartbeat.

My face is horrible. I'm not gonna lie. I act like I dont care. Everyday I wakeup and make myself feel better by telling myself it'll get better. but it never does. Everytime I look into a mirror I die alittle inside and I just wanna cry.

Why is this happening to me.

There is always a time when you feel so useless and insignificant to the point that all you want to do is make someone happy. As long as that person is happy, you are.

But my question is, are you really happy?

My mum is seriously pissing me off. FKING BRAINLESS SHIT.
I'm tired of getting involved in her petty squabbles.

I really need a break, away from this house, away from work, away from everything.
I wish i can just disappear.

Sometimes, I just don't get you.
your actions and the words you say clashes.

Being skinny helps. Most of the time.

I want to fly away to somewhere far where no one knows me and do things i never had the courage to do.

Day One.

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011.

this year please let me slim down. thats all i ask for.