Soh yuanlin wish that life is just about partying.

life is a bore. i mean why must we study then work then die. its a passing phase that never seem to pass by totally at all. at some point of time people must be pondering bout the question. what is life? i mean maybe someone is thinking bout it right now. and thats me. i dont get life. its not my thing, yet im force to be in it. hello, its not like i have a choice to start with.

okay im just indulging in some selfpity from this point onwards, if you cant be bothered to 'see' me whine, theres a red cross at the top of the page, yes that one stupid. just click on it, and everything will disappear.

i dont get it, why do some disgusting people get their guys. disgusting mean alot to me, from backstabbing bitch to ugly freaks. sorry im being real here. or maybe if your guys are just as gross, then i have nothing to say except you deserve each other. i mean im not saying i dont bitch and im not saying im pretty, in fact i think im a fugly bitch that doesnt backstab im not as bad as some people i know. then why do i only get guys that well lets say not as nice. no offence. seriously it is just me or lifes being a bitch to me.

i know this sounds insulting to some of you guys but, its the fact. dont like it. click on that freaking cross up there. no ones stopping you.

next topic friends. i know im not suppose to think this way. but what is a friend? i mean i did what i think was that best i could do for all my friends until now that is. but i sometimes still find myself sorta 'leftout'. maybe its just my imagination. i dont know. or maybe blantly saying it, some 'friends' just talk to me when they feel like it, or when they have problems. i mean i dont mind, but very few people had actually listened to my problems. if you are one of them, count yourself lucky. since i was like 1. okay primary 1. whatsoever. im always not in the crowd, but i never did think otherwise. im satisfied with who i have around me, other then the crushes i couldnt have, duh! but sooner ar later they will somehow forget that i exist. it will be until a long time before they will turn around and somehow miraculessly? a question will pop up in their mind, hey wheres yuanlin. well thanks, im here well and alive. no offense again.
i know im not into words and i dont normally take in credit for what i do for friends cause i always believe that they will do those stuff for me too. and they did. but i guess if a person doesnt speak up, it wont be long before they are forgotten. so i dont know, since when i started working hard for 'friendship'. which isnt what i believe in. it is until now that i realise. i feel so lonely, somehow betrayed, not by anyone else, but by myself. i feel like everyone is wearing a mask, dancing along to the song of reality. is this what they call a facade? i dont know.
i once took a online test, what kind of eyes do i have. i think my result was i have eyes of blood?. i see life the way it is, dark and cold. i see reality and i dont indulge in fairytales. something like that. i wish it was wrong, but through the years, i realise it was right. i laugh i smile i go along with the crowd, even though knowing that its not really that funny, or its not even fun. i think somehow in my mind i thought if i didnt do that, i would be left behind. thats the reailty. ive seen people got bullied caue they are different or cause they are alone. and i guess i just didnt want to be like them, so i had to learn to somehow fit in.

its a long and wordy post. and i congradulate? those who have the patience to read this far. i hope my words hadnt offend anyone, and somehow tell you guys more about what i think. friends of mine, if you had read this far, can i read it as you care about me and my life? more then the laughter and craziness, you are more willing to understand and cry with me? i hope it really is.
its been a long night. bye