'Maybe cause i know you'll aways be with me' - Inconsolable

I woke up this morning choking on my own tears. its been awhile since i have a dream as vivid as that. and of all days, today, my granddad's death anniversary. maybe it signifies something. i dont know. but i'm gonna dedicate this post to you, even if you wont ever see this.

Im sorry for the countless times we quarreled, im sorry for the countless of disappointing moments, sorry for the countless nights ive been away knowing you're at home worrying about me, sorry for all the shit i gave you for no reason.

And even if i dont say it, i miss your hugs, i miss you praising me for the littlest things, i miss talking to you about everything in the world, and most of all, i miss you.

As time pass, people grow older and we tend to stop. stop talking, stop showing affection, stop being a family. thinking back of all the lovely times back then, how i wish i could reverse the hands of time. how long has it been since ive held your hands and not feel ashamed, how long has it been that i gave you a warm hug. even so, i couldnt bring myself to tell you all these, cause of my pride? i dont know. but these words choke inside, it can all be summarized into the simple three words that i can never say it out loud. even though i can't and won't ever say it out. i still hope you do know.

ilu.