i just realise im so weak
so afraid of getting hurt that im hurting everyone around me with all my actions
im really sorry

i really just want to breakdown now
i need someone
just anyone to just be there for me

maybe im not as strong as i think i am
i just hate this part of me

sometimes i really wonder
maybe i hate my brother so much is because im actually jeslous of him..
maybe i hate my father so much because i care for him and i think he doesnt care for me the same way i do..
maybe i hate my mother so much is because she can hurt me in the most heart-breaking way anyone can hurt me..
maybe i hate the world because i think no one cares for me..

i just realise all these reasons are just about me me me
how can i be so selfish

when can the world stop being so selfish and start thinking about how other people think..

i really hope my mother will read this post..

even though im slack and all but everytime when i think about studying is because of her. even though i look like i dont care when she scolds me but actually my heart bleeds without me knowing. and everytime i argue with her im always the one who ends up crying liek a crazy lunatic.
like yesterday when i really wanna studying for the first time this week she actually scolds me for not bringing bak my book. and when i told her that i failed my social studies test she scolds me again. i knew i would get it from her, but i just feel like breaking down.
why cant i get the same treatment as my brother. everytime he passes even if its only abit, she says good job. but to me i only get a lecture about why i didnt get higher. everytime my brother fails she says you can do it better next time just jia you, but to me she scolds and scolds. making me fell like a complete idoit. it is really that hard to say a good job to me, or even encourage me.

the worlds just unfair i guess..